he’s blonde or as you affectionately and more specifically call him “a complete and utter mess” blonde in reference to how he constantly looks as though he’s just rolled out of either a satisfying sleep or the most restless night of his life. but somehow he pulls it off but you can’t let him know that, oh no, beyond juvenile teasing

he towers over you by four inches and maybe “towers” is an exaggeration, but the fact of being taller than you itself is enough to make him grin. even if it just exasperates you. it’s just height, you say. it’s not significant. but it makes him grin. pulls the closest thing you see to a smile from the corners of his lips and makes the toothpick wedged between them hang on the verge of falling. and there’s a tugging within your gut that pulls the closest thing you feel to a genuine sincere feeling from the depths and makes you feel like you’re on the verge of falling for about four seconds. but it passes. it’s just a grin. it’s not significant

he doesn’t like to talk that much. he listens, mainly, which is more than fine with you. somewhat. you like the sound of his voice. hearing it whenever possible is nice. you don’t tell him that. why would you? how would you?

he’s known you for centuries. it feels like that, at least. maybe it has been centuries. you don’t know. you lost count. you secretly believe it has been. believe you two have something that time cannot get its hands on and the both of you will remain young forever and completely messing with everything together as two people with the capacity to rule cities together should

he’s loyal. he’ll follow you anywhere. he’d follow you anywhere. he follows you everywhere. you get mildly offended when people imply you have some unsavory part in that. a magic spell. blackmail. empty promises. there’s none of that. he’s simply loyal. and there’s nothing simple about it. and you’re grateful for it

he says your name often. whether you’re around or not. no matter who he’s speaking to. you don’t say his name enough

he believes in you

without question

without hesitation

when no one else does

he believes

he does believe in you, he does, he does, he’d give you his heart directly from his chest to prove it

and maybe one day you’ll ask for that but for now you’ll admire the boy whose hair is in tangles and whose gaze is steel blue and voice is a low calculated drawl from his lips and you’ll keep how much he trusts you and the way he says your name stored deep within you with that admiration and you’ll keep him by your side as if you could get him to leave if you ever wanted him to and you would never want him to

and you’ll get irritated

and you’ll sigh, purposefully loud, purposefully looking at him longer than you should, purposefully letting a grin tug at your own lips

because he’s four inches taller

and you’re holding onto that and other details that mean both absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things

and absolutely everything to you

the first time we meet, you save my life
time passes
we grow closer
i believe in you
you trust me more than anyone
you trust me
no one else
we both see the end coming
because, of course, there’s always an end
you don’t get a get out of death free card
you don’t get centuries of existing and playing around and laughing and enjoying yourself
it’s not how it works
i’m more optimistic than you are and i believe
in you
in you succeeding
in us succeeding
you’re “realistic” but press on nonetheless
you’ve got a plan, as always, and, as always, i go along
because you saved my life
because your life is important to me
because our lives are together
and you run out of options
we’re backed into a corner
you take my life, and i protest, but it’s weak
because, realistically, honestly, completely
you had my life from the beginning
and you soon follow
but i don’t know that
because i’m already gone
and i’m usually the one who follows, without hesitation, without protest, without question
but this time, you follow
but i’m already gone

the second time we meet, i don’t like you
i don’t remember you
and you apparently remember me
years are gone
time has passed
this is a completely different life
something about you rubs me the wrong way
the way you smile bothers me because it feels familiar
how quiet i am bothers you because you say the silence is boring (and it’s familiar to you, but i don’t know that)
the way you roll your eyes bothers me because it feels like something i should know you, like i knew you
it feels like hours spent together
nights spent together
years spent together
but you don’t remember me
and i don’t remember you
and we’ve never met before now, of course, how could we
this is the first (second) time
and you just laugh when we make eye contact, and the sound is unkind (familiar) and i clench my teeth and turn my back
because i don’t like you
(because i died, i did, because of you, but you don’t remember, you died, but i didn’t know, and don’t remember)
you don’t like me
(because we were all we had, and that’s all gone now, and maybe we’re meant to go on without each other now, maybe death pushed the restart button and we’re meant to move on with a clean slate and no memory of holding hands and having each other’s backs)
and i don’t remember you
why would i
(why can’t i)

the third time we meet, it’s by chance
it’s fleeting
your gaze briefly meets mine as we pass by each other
because, of course, that happens
in crowds at stores or on the sidewalk
we make eye contact and look at a lot of people
that’s normal
it happens daily
it doesn’t mean anything
they’re strangers
but we make eye contact, and i stop, and i remember
not everything
but enough to know that i know you
and you know me
and i don’t know how
but there’s an ache that settles in my chest and i’m standing there, stunned, looking wide-eyed and ridiculous
(but i remember)
and you’ve stopped in your tracks, and you look like you have all these years, and you look pained
and, for some reason, that hurts me too
(and you remember)
“i know that look,” i say
you used to say that to me all the time, i think (i remember)
even though this is the first (third) time we’ve met
and you laugh, weakly, but still, it’s a laugh nonetheless
it’s something
and maybe death didn’t mean a clean slate, maybe we were stuck together no matter what life it was, no matter how much time passed, and our hands were meant to stay intertwined, and our backs would always be pressed together until the end
or maybe we broke the rules
because i think (i remember) we had a habit of doing that
together, wonderfully, much to everyone else’s irritation
but, whatever the case, i remember you
and you remember me
and we’re standing together
(like we always did, for years, but we don’t remember that even though the feeling is there, the faintest outlines and traces of memories are blurred but they’re still there)
and it means something, it has to,
and the end wasn’t the end, apparently
we have each other, again
and even though we don’t remember everything, it’s not much, but it’s something
and you look happy in the way that you always do, with the vaguest hint of mischief in your eyes and the curl of your lips that makes it more of a grin than a smile
and i know that look
i remember